I have scarfophobia. Well, no, I guess that's not correct, since that would mean I have a fear of scarves in any form. I love scarves! I just can't knit them myself, so what would that be, scarfknittingophobia? Either way, I think it should be listed between "Scabiophobia- Fear of scabies" and "Scatophobia- Fear of fecal matter" on the Phobia List.
I have, in my entire life, knit one entire scarf. Yes, just one. I've cast-on many more than that, but, as I do not suffer from frogophobia (which means fear of ripping back the knitted fabric one has spent precious moments working on, not to be confused with "Batrachophobia- Fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc.") I've never completed number two.
Scarves are just too big of a commitment for me. I know that my poncho has more square footage than any scarf, and Jason's slippers, which hold a whopping 660 yards of yarn, took a great deal more time than the simple back and forth required for a scarf, but still! I've just never been able to do it!
In the past week I have cast-on and knitted (at least an inch each time) the beginnings of a scarf between fifteen and twenty times. I'm serious. And eighty-five percent of those times it was for a scarf I really, really want to make, the one for the Bundle Up New Orleans project. I tried garter stitch; bias-knit garter stitch (about five times); knit 2, purl 2 ribbing; basketweave. I tried single strand and double strand, big needles and small needles. And I hated it all. Finally, I decided I'm just not cut out for scarving. I frogged the last attempt and cast on for a Hot Head Hat (BUNO wants them too) and wondered why I ever thought a scarf was the way to go in the first place.
And, then. Yes, and then, it hit me. I looked down at my inch and a half of rib stitch and sighed. I hate varigated yarn. That's my problem. For some idiotic reason I had purchased varigated yarn for this project. And I hate it. Ugly, messy muddle of colors. For me it's like the mixy food of the yarn world. I don't want to knit something I hate and would never wear to send off to someone I don't know. I want to knit something I would wear and send it off in hopes that it finds someone who likes it too. What kind of bad knitting karma would I be asking for if I hated every inch of the damn thing? But the yarn requirements for BUNO being what they are I had to dig deep into my stash for something that would suffice. One ball of Lion Brand Chunky USA in black. And so far I've joyfully knit up three inches in a knit 1, purl 1 rib. I can live with Varigatedyarnophobia; I'm just so glad the Scarfknittingophobia was a case of misdiagnosis (and please, don't try to tell me otherwise, I'm trying to stay in the land of Ignorance-is-Bliss where I can blame my total scarf count on varigated yarn). At least I don't suffer from "Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects."